My views on relationship books:

My views on relationship books are simple. They should not be used to manipulate your partner. No one can change another person, except for that person themselves. We are all human and all make mistakes. Excepting one another for being different would change several categories of a relationship.

All of my relationship books contain Christian views or successful outcomes. None of my books have a title with the word “Change” among the words.

Story About Tough Love Tactics:

As I expressed in MIDLIFE BOLDNESS CHANGED HOW I DISPLAY MY HOME LIBRARY, I will tell the story of using a relationship books’ advice to shock my spouse in our earlier years.

My shy and quiet way of life was influenced by growing up in a home where alcohol ran the atmosphere and the spirit of the home. My spouse was never as bad as my father, but after the death of his father the man changed and it left me with two choices.

Men and Grief:

Men and woman grieve differently. The Impact of Grief on Relationships can be challenging. Most of us know this or learn this the hard way.

Men grief differently and I knew after his father’s death life would change, what I was not prepared for but also did not waste much time to make a choice, was the fact that alcohol would once again make a starring role into my life.

At this time in the marriage, he worked for a company full of partiers and they had no respect for marriage. So he began coming home late for over a month at a time and leaving the all familiar message on the machine, not to wait up or even keep dinner warm. Honestly the first two weeks did not bother me, I thought I knew him well but then, it effected my days at work.

Along Came A Book And A Memory:

Along came a book, giving to me by a friend and the book triggered memories of my mom giving my father his ultimatum which lead to him being sober for twenty-seven years before his death. So back to my two choices. First choice was just walk away from everything, yes I was that done with the situation.

Second choice due to the advice of the book was to take action, since the man was not around to hear my ultimatum anyway. Plus I had a father who taught me, men pay more attention to actions verses words.

Tough Love Action:

The book is called… ” Love Must Be Tough” by Dr. James Dobson. The tough love action was to give him a taste of his own medicine. Remember, My shy and quiet way of life was influenced by growing up in a home where alcohol ran the atmosphere and the spirit of the home, so this action was a shock to my spouse.

I paced the floor until that phone rang, I answered, he stated the same thing he had been saying for a month. I took a very deep breath and said ” no worries, the kids are spending the night away and I am going out too.” CLICK


After the CLICK, I was aware of how fast this man could drive. I took the opposite road out that he would bring home and headed to town. There was only one spot in town that this man would not go and it was the movie theater. He would never go, due to he smoked. Best part of movie theaters is the darkness hides the tears and the receipt had the start and finish time.

Needless to say, after a good argument and lots of male silence, here we are almost forty years together. I guess it is safe to say my boldness made an appearance in my late thirties but really surfaced in my late forties.

What about you, has advice from a book affected your life?

Leave a comment on the blog or a voice message on this podcast at https://anchor.fm/donna-alford1/message

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Next time:

Tune in next time as we share more Midlife adventures and thoughts.


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